I moved to Phoenix in 1999.
I've been witness to numerous attempts made to lure me and an entire community of revelers to spend some of our precious social outings in downtown Phoenix. And for the longest time, no attempt was successful.
But something has happened, something sneaky, perhaps unnoticeable to some: Downtown Phoenix may now be the best place to hang out in the Valley.
This week's The Five counts the reasons why.
When I was a kid attending Brighton Elementary School in my sleepy southern Illinois hometown, once a year we would conduct a tornado drill and once every three years we'd get a tornado scare.
The drill consisted of a piercingly persistent bell, a single file line from the classroom, and an orderly aligning of little bodies along a sturdy school wall. You know the routine: Knees to the floor, head between your knees, fingers interlocked behind the head, and wait for that cursed bell to end. The entire process always seemed safer to me than standing on the roof, let's say, but hardly safe. It seemed then to be thirty years behind progress and that was thirty years ago.
So imagine my surprise to learn that the school in Oklahoma City that was struck by an F4 Monday utilizes the same archaic method for keeping kids safe. After all, this is Oklahoma. Residents aren't exactly unfamiliar with tornadoes. Spending money on new gym equipment or a gunman to patrol the campus I would think should rank behind establishing a safe room for tornado protection.
I understand the clay of Oklahoma makes digging basements difficult, but is a reinforced structure designed for multiple purposes but used when needed as a tornado hub out of the question?
It costs money, yes I know, but in April of 2013 Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin signed four bills into law intended to keep Oklahoma school children safe from a mad gunman.
School shootings, as horrific as they are, remain an incredibly rare event, where tornadoes rip through Oklahoma on an average of 55 twisters per year. I get it. Funding for schools is difficult to come by, but shouldn't we first focus funding to be used against recurring threats to the safety of our school children?
It is estimated that a homeowner who desires to build a safe room or storm shelter would spend $10,000 on such a project. That may be too pricey for the average homeowner considering the rarity of being hit by a tornado. But, even though larger and more costly, I would think every Oklahoma community might justify the cost for their schools.
Lots of brothers in the news lately and not for good reasons.
The Tsarnaev Brothers, the Castro Brothers, heck, even the Dr. Joyce Brothers made headlines for all the wrong reasons. It's time to shed new light on brotherhood to remind ourselves that brothers are a good thing and that ultimately brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug.
The Five this week breaks down my favorite brothers and their evil antithesis...
Every Friday at 1:30 p.m. on Karie & Chuck we play the Feud.
Here's your chance to play along as well. See if you can complete the puzzle. (Sorry, no fabulous parting gifts involved.)
Last week, the Arizona Cardinals drafted Tyrann Mathieu, who happens to possess one of the great nicknames in sports history, "The Honey Badger." And yet, when I surveyed 30 KTAR employees for Family Feud this week, not one person named Mathieu as having sports history's best nickname.
So let's play. Thirty KTAR employees surveyed, top six answers are on the board, what is the best player nickname in sports history?
Thirty KTAR employees surveyed, top six answers are on the board, what is the best player nickname in sports history?
1. WILLIAM "THE REFRIGERATOR" PERRY
2. EARVIN "MAGIC" JOHNSON
3. "THE GOLDEN BEAR" JACK NICKLAUS
4. "BROADWAY" JOE NAMATH
5. "THE ROUND MOUND OF REBOUND" CHARLES BARKLEY
6. "SHOELESS" JOE JACKSON
*My personal pick: "KUNG FU PANDA" PABLO SANDOVAL
I don't know who the president is hiring to write his jokes these days, but his standup keeps getting better. At the White House Correspondents' Dinner, Obama killed with lines like: "I got 99 problems, and now Jay-Z is one," and "Take the sequester: Republicans fell in love with this thing and now they can't stop talking about how much they hate it. It's like we're trapped in a Taylor Swift song." When did the POTUS turn into Chris Ba-Rock Obama? Finally, he took a jab at Republican Mitch McConnell, telling those in the audience, "You sit down and have a drink with Mitch McConnell." Great line. And McConnell had a great response, a Twitter photo of him sitting at the bar with a seat open for the president to join him. That's good stuff and a major upgrade to the usual finger-pointing and grandstanding.
For saying what needed to be said. In reaction to Jason Collins' now famous status as the first outwardly gay men's professional team sports figure, Barkley told you what I've been telling the Karie & Chuck audience for months: There are plenty of gay male professional athletes, have been for a long time and their teammates know who they are and don't care. What heterosexual athletes feared was the reaction from the public and the media to having a gay teammate. They don't want to answer questions about having a gay athlete and they don't want their gay teammate to be attacked by hateful fans. In other words, they don't want the distraction.
Would someone please take Martha Stewart out on a date? Take her to Bed, Bath and Beyond and maybe grab a nice slice of pot roast at Old Town Buffet. I don't care; anything will do. This ol' bird needs to get out of the house. But I give Martha credit. Most celebrities wouldn't have the guts to admit they're lonely. Martha threw it out there she's willing to meet a perfect stranger through Match.com. I guarantee you won't see Sharon Stone filling out an E-Harmony application, and she has to be just as desperate as Stewart these days. This also points out the stark differences in men and women. If Martha Stewart, billionaire and celebrity, was a man, she'd be swimming in a pool of supermodels. Instead, poor gal is having to resort to online begging for company.
I can't stand them. Lindsey Graham, Sarah Palin, Jan Brewer, Nancy Pelosi, their political careers have been based on finger-pointing. Economy is down? Finger-point at the president. Didn't get my way? Must be the president. Boston is bombed? Clearly the doing of the president. Finger-pointers aren't seeking solutions, they're waiting in the shadows, as armchair politicians, their pointing fingers coiled along with their tongues. And every time they challenge authority, checks roll in and letters are written from biased supporters telling them how great they are, and trust me, finger-pointers LIVE for the praise. Don't get me wrong: It's important that we disagree, that we challenge ideals, especially those from on-high. But when you're not part of any alternative solution and your reaction is just to point a finger to get the expected rise from a biased audience, there's no reason for the masses to listen you because we already know what you're going to say.
I'm from rural Southern Illinois. There are 3,000 people that live in my hometown and about 12 of them have teeth. The first time I took a girl to a movie was the third movie I'd ever seen in a theater. And the first time I took a girl to dinner was the prom. Here's the point: prom was a big deal in Brighton, Ill. because it marked the first time we got to leave town with a girl and "fetch her to supper at a nice rest'rint." Why the hell does prom even exist in Phoenix or any other big city for that matter? Kids from Phoenix can walk to 20 nice restaurants. You have movie dates when you're 12. And you can dance together on a whim. So save the $1,200 the average kid spends on prom and do something out of the ordinary for prom, like cow-tipping.
Tim Tebow is not to blame for the circus in New York last fall. The Jets organization committed a disservice to Tebow, to Mark Sanchez, to the members of the locker room and to their entire fanbase. And for what? To steal some headlines from the crosstown Giants? They should never have signed Tebow to be a gimmick quarterback, shouldn't have asked the kid to gain 20 pounds for his new role if they didn't mean to use him and shouldn't have allowed him to be interviewed by every creature with a microphone and a press pass in metropolitan New York. Then they refused to play him, even when the team was floundering, as if they feared he might actually win, which he likely wouldn't have. Well, Tebow was cut Tuesday and he's better for it. I'm not sure he'll play in the NFL next season, but I happen to fall in line with those encouraging him to take his shirtless God show north to Canada. At least he'll get to play. And who knows? Perhaps he'll infect a new nation with Tebow Mania.
Come June, I will have lived 42 years on this Earth.
Fads have come and gone, and I have had decisions to make on which I should partake in and which I should leave to others. I've made my fair share of mistakes over the years. This week's The Five highlights but a few...
Every Friday at 1:30 p.m. on Karie & Chuck we play the Feud.
Here's your chance to play along as well. See if you can complete the puzzle. (Sorry, no fabulous parting gifts involved.)
Thursday's NFL draft introduced us to a new star athlete on his way to Arizona. So...
30 KTAR employees were surveyed, top 5 answers on the board.
In Phoenix sports history, name the athlete Phoenicians were most excited about coming to town. Click here to see if you are right?
30 KTAR employees surveyed, five answers on the board... Who is the athlete Phoenicians were most excited about coming to town?
1. CHARLES BARKLEY
2. RANDY JOHNSON
3. KURT WARNER (that's not true. everyone thought he was washed up.)
4. SHAQ (he actually was washed up)
5. JUSTIN UPTON
Do all Powells see alike when it comes to contending with an international threat whose crime is delusion of grandeur? The smarter Powell said it right this week. "North Korea would be committing suicide if they decided to use nuclear weapons." This is the message that needs to be delivered on the doorstep of Kim Jong Un, complete with details: pie charts, bar graphs, action figures, whatever. Un is a brainwashed turd. His father told him North Korea was the mightiest nation on Earth and he believes it. He needs to be shown that his army is ranked 33rd in the world and that the 32 that are larger will team together to destroy him if he dares start his war.
They can't catch a break. Local Boston police officers were hailed as heroes last week in rounding up the two bombing suspects in four days time. The feds? Criticized from every direction. One group argues the feds had information on Tamerlan Tsarnaev in 2011 and weren't monitoring him closely enough. Another group claims the feds had no right to monitor him at all. One group is arguing for more surveillance on our streets. Another warns we're becoming Big Brother as it is. One group can't believe after all that searching they missed checking the boat. Another group says by entering the homes of citizens the feds violated the Fourth Amendment. Does my putting the feds on my UP list this week constitute the only praise these officers are going to receive?
Look, she messed up. She made a fool of herself. She even dropped the dreaded "Do you know who I am?" line that makes we common folk cringe. However, once Reese sobered up after her arrest, at least she made no excuses. You could see the humiliation in her mug shot and a person's mug shot tells a lot about them. The person who celebrates is an idiot and the angered are likely to have their mugshot taken again. There are only two ways to react to a DUI arrest: humiliation or remorse. At least the Reese gave us that.
The CNN reporter wouldn't have made my list had I not watched a dozen other reporters do his job with little difficulty last week. Tapper was reporting the night of the shootout in Watertown. He was, in a word, awful. He couldn't focus, couldn't concentrate and for one reason and one reason only: He was too concerned over his appearance. "Hey everybody, come see how good I look!" Tapper couldn't complete a sentence, he couldn't handle the weight of the story, but he sure took the time to adjust his hair every three seconds and make sure the audience didn't see him using his reading glasses, which he apparently requires to READ something. Tool.
"We now interrupt your regular broadcast schedule to bring you breaking news coverage of the president whining about not getting his way on gun reform." What was that last week? Dude, I would have voted for expanded background checks myself, but at your State of the Union Address you said America deserves a vote. You got a vote. You didn't win. Neither did Mitt Romney supporters. You live to politic another day. You're the President of the United States of America. I know you're upset but that does not give you the excuse for not acting presidential. An impassioned plea, not matter how good the cause might be, loses its luster in the face of one's own hypocrisy.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has another movie coming out this weekend. I believe it's his 37th film to be released this year. I don't dislike The Rock. In fact, I kinda like him. However, my research shows he may have the worst taste for scripts of anyone in Hollywood history. Johnson has played a major role in 14 films and not a single one has achieved critical success. Not one! His highest-rated film at rottentomatoes.com received a 74 percent approval rating. That's a C grade. Twelve of his 14 have been critically graded as Fs. Fs! I smell what The Rock is cooking alright. It's another box office bomb and it's scheduled to detonate this weekend. Run for your lives!
