Petitions filed to deport Justin Bieber

I don’t know about all of you, but I’m rather tired of all this Justin Bieber hullabaloo.

Apparently a lot of Americans are as well, as petitions have been filed on both the White House website and Change.org to deport the Canadian singer after his arrest for drunk driving.

According to the petition on the White House site, Bieber has done worse than drinking too much before getting behind the wheel.

Forescore and 19 years ago America was a place of serenity before our ears were tainted by Justin Bieber’s abominable music and the images of him peeing in mop buckets and atop the snowcapped Colorado mountains. He has shown that he is incapable of contributing anything to our society other than stimulating the marijuana industry, single-handedly keeping the saggy hammer-pants trend alive, and giving Selena Gomez inspiration to write break-up songs.

However, Bieber’s legion of followers, commonly called obsessive teenage girls “Beliebers,” are fighting back. They filed their own petition on the White House site simply stating he’s only human, makes mistakes and should be allowed to stay.

In other news, this whole thing is stupid.