Having ‘the talk’ with my daughter awkward but worthwhile

Well, it happened. I had my first real sex talk with my almost 8-year-old daughter. This particular talk fell somewhere between “babies magically grow in mommy’s tummy” and a graphic description of how those babies actually get there.

I always imagined I would be pretty cool about this whole discussion. I was wrong. I was awkward and weird at first because I was taken so off guard by her questions spawned by a conversation she overheard about infertility. But, after I composed myself a bit, I took her aside and we had a heart-to-heart talk.

Our conversations about babies and private areas and marriage have all been slowly leading up to this moment, so I have been mentally preparing myself for “the talk.” Basically, I had four guiding principles going into this discussion:

1. Answer her questions openly, candidly and, for goodness sakes, don’t giggle!
2. Don’t go into more detail than what she is actually asking to learn. This is not a time to elaborate. She needs to know the basics about body parts and what makes a baby.
3. Base all responses in personal and spiritual values. Sex is central to Heavenly Father’s plan for happiness, so I want to make sure any discussion of baby-making is securely grounded in my belief of the sanctity of physical intimacy.
4. Keep the lines of communication open. I ended the discussion with a promise that I will always be honest and open with her about sex or anything else she wants to discuss.

If only she knew how much I was sweating while trying to look calm and collected. This was a big moment, after all, and I didn’t want to mess it up.

And hopefully, I didn’t. I am happy with the conversation, and am breathing a huge sigh of relief tonight that I’ve crossed over the first sex-talk hurdle. I know there will be more, and they only get increasingly specific and uncomfortable from here. But I think I laid the foundation for many more candid talks with my daughter.

At the end, my daughter told me it was “super gross” to talk about private parts openly together. And just like that I took my rightful place in the chain of awkward sex talks that have been passed down from mother to daughter for generations. But I also sensed that I had joined another tradition — one of mothers teaching their daughters that when used wisely, her body and sex are part of a masterful plan for this life intended to bring her joy.

So, yes it was awkward. And yes, I had to remind myself not to giggle because I am just that immature. But I would sit through a million more embarrassing conversations if it means my daughter can view her body and sex as the sacred blessings they are.

How do you handle “the talk” with your children?

Erin Stewart is a regular blogger for Deseret News. From stretch marks to the latest news for moms, she discusses it all while her 7-year-old and 4-year-old daughters dive-bomb off the couch behind her.