"American Idol" has named its new panel of judges for the next season of a show caught in the throes of demise.
Gone: Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj. Sorry for those of you who enjoy a good train wreck.
Reassigned: Randy Jackson. All I can say to you, dog, is that you worked it out. You did your thing. It was a bit pitchy in parts. But it was "aight." The two members of your dog pound will miss you.
Staying: Keith Urban. The only one. I guess he'd rather be on "American Idol" than home pretending to be married to Nicole Kidman.
Returning: J-Lo. Record sales were much better when you were getting that free advertising every week on Fox, huh?
And newly added to the panel: Harry Connick, Jr.
It's a fine panel. Now, who's going to be the painfully honest one? Seriously, you can't all be doters. Someone has to give sincere critical feedback. You can't be a good judge without the willingness to be frank.
It's the ingredient all great judges have in common.
The greatest judges in the history of television? It's the subject of this week's "The Five."